🌈 Finding Affirming Community and Spiritual Spaces (if desired)

"I don’t know if I still believe — but I know I don’t want to be alone."

One of the hardest parts of leaving high-control religion is losing the built-in community that came with it. Even if it was conditional, even if it harmed you — it was familiar. Now, you may feel spiritually homeless, socially isolated, or unsure whether there’s anywhere that will accept you fully.

You’re not alone in that.

This section is for folks who want some kind of community or spiritual space — not to return to church, but to find a place that welcomes their whole self. No shame. No dogma. No fine print.

What to Look For in an Affirming Space

When considering a new community — religious or not — ask:

• Do they affirm LGBTQIA+ people explicitly, not just “welcome all”?

• Do they avoid purity culture, modesty rules, or gender roles?

• Are people of different identities allowed to lead, speak, and exist freely?

• Is questioning encouraged — or quietly punished?

• Do they focus on shared values or shared beliefs?

If the space requires you to shrink, mask, or hide parts of yourself, it’s not affirming — even if they’re “nice.”

Spiritual Spaces That Don’t Require Conformity

🛐 Unitarian Universalist Churches (UU)

UU congregations are diverse, open-minded, and explicitly affirming. They don’t follow one religious text or doctrine — instead, they center values like compassion, justice, and curiosity. Many exvangelicals and religious trauma survivors find peace here, whether they’re spiritual, agnostic, or atheist.

Find a local UU congregation: www.uua.org

Secular & Interfaith Gatherings

If you’re seeking meaning and community without traditional religion (click the links):

• Sunday Assembly – “Church” for atheists & agnostics (music, talks, connection)

• Reclamation Collective – Trauma-informed support for spiritual harm

• Sacred Space groups – Some progressive communities offer queer-affirming, non-creedal circles

• Queer spiritual circles – Online or in-person groups rooted in decolonized, inclusive values

Online Communities

If in-person feels too hard right now, start online:

• Facebook Groups:

  • “Post-Christian & Queer”

  • “Exvangelical LGBTQ+ Support”

  • “UnPentecostals” (hey, that’s us!)

• Discord servers for deconstruction, queer spirituality, and chosen family building

• TikTok & Instagram creators like @keithsbible, @deconstructingblack, @queertheology

🧡 Final Thought

You don’t have to go back to religion.
You don’t have to label yourself spiritual.
You do deserve connection, safety, and people who won’t ask you to earn love by erasing yourself.

Whether your sacred is nature, justice, music, community, or nothing at all — you belong.